Light in the Dark Night Read online

  “I guess.”

  He smiled. Aiden sounded better, even if he… she… they? didn’t feel it. There was no way he could think of a person as they, so he settled on he until he found out differently. After all, Aiden sounded like a male name to him.

  “Thanks for the soap and the clothes.” Aiden’s voice was so quiet, shy, as though he didn’t know how to come across.

  “No problem, Aiden.” Brecker tried to figure out how to approach the question. Since Aiden was kicked out of his home for being him, if he asked outright if he was trans or agender, it might set off his fight or flight reflexes and Brecker did not want to do that. Whenever someone did that to him as a teen, he usually got away. Teenagers in flight mode were wily and could turn on a dime.

  The stall door opened and Brecker had to stop his mouth from dropping open. The boy was stunning by anyone’s description. Brown hair hung to just below his chin. Impossibly pale blue eyes stared at him out of a medium olive complexion. Aiden was a juxtaposition in appearance. He was striking and there were feminine characteristics he hadn’t noticed before, what with the ratty clothing and dirt. Aiden had breasts and they were noticeable under the T-shirt. But the firm set of his jaw and the way he walked were masculine. Brecker mentally cringed at some of the ways scum would want to use the kid. He definitely needed to get Aiden off the streets before one of them got hold of him.

  Aiden handed back the soap and shampoo. “Now,” Brecker said, his mind working fast, “we have two options for lunch. The first is we could run across the street to the diner. They’ve got semi-passable food, though it’s not great. The other option is I’m headed out to visit a friend of mine who lives just outside of town.” He deliberately looked over Aiden’s shoulder as he spoke the next few words. “He runs a shelter for LGBT youth and his cook is a gourmet chef.”

  Aiden went from looking slightly uncomfortable to terrified in less than a second. Instinctively, Brecker took a step between him and the door. He wouldn’t stop the kid if he ran. It was Aiden’s right. But he would try his hardest to stop him from running in the first place. “I’m not sick,” Aiden cried out, tears trickling from his eyes. His hands formed into fists as he stood in front of Brecker. “I’m not….”

  Brecker needed to talk fast or he was going to lose him. “It’s run by a wonderful man by the name of Reverend Jonathon Neiland. He—”

  The shriek that left Aiden’s lips wasn’t human. Or at least it didn’t sound like it. It was horror and fear and giving up all in one as he backed up until he reached a wall and slid down it. “I d-don’t want to be f-fixed,” he said through sobs.

  Fixed? Nonplussed, Brecker crouched down to his level again. “Jonathon’s not going to fix you, kid. He just wants to give a safe haven to kids who don’t have a chance elsewhere.”

  “Yeah, right,” Aiden whispered, rubbing his wrist between his mouth and nose to wipe off the liquid there. “Just like the place my dad wanted to send me to. To cure the ‘unnatural state of things.’” The way he said the last few words, Brecker figured he was quoting someone.

  Brecker had heard of religious camps that tried to change people who were gay and he could only imagine what it would be like to be forced to go to one of those places, to be told you had to get rid of who you were before you could be accepted again. No matter how he looked at it, it felt wrong. “Jonathon’s not there to cure or fix anything,” he said firmly, speaking loud enough that Aiden could hear him over his sobs. “He’s gay.”

  Aiden’s eyes widened and he gawked. “A gay man is a reverend?”

  “Yes. The shelter takes in LGBT youth who are homeless for whatever reason, whether they were kicked out of their homes or ran away. He has an education system set up and there’s a huge fenced area to run and play in without anyone else watching or judging you.”

  “Fenced?” Aiden said, sounding dubious. “We’re gonna be locked in?”

  Brecker didn’t know the answer to that. “When I went there, the gates were open. If he closed them, I think it would be to keep out the idiots. Like the two guys who attacked you today.”

  Aiden pulled his knees up to his chest and huddled over them. “I usually stay out of town. Easier to hide in a barn. But the nights are getting colder and I hoped to find somewhere to stay warm.”

  Relieved he was talking, Brecker went along with it. “And it’s going to get colder still. We’re only in September, Aiden. There will be ice on the ground by November.”

  A shiver made Aiden tremble. “I’m gonna freeze,” he murmured.

  “Not if we get you a safe place to stay,” Brecker said gently. “Look. I know you don’t know me, so this promise won’t mean much. But I promise not to leave you there unless you want to stay. And if you don’t, I’ll find a safe place for you. I don’t know where or with whom, but I have a lot of contacts. I’m sure I can find you something.”

  For a long moment, Aiden didn’t move and then he looked up into Brecker’s eyes. “Why are you helping me?”

  A huffed laugh left Brecker’s lips. “Because a stranger helped me once upon a time and it made all the difference.”

  There was a long moment while Aiden seemed to be looking for something. Brecker let him look as long as he needed. “Okay. You promise not to leave me there?” Aiden asked nervously as he stood up.

  “I promise that if you say no, we’ll come back into town with no questions asked.” Brecker sent up a prayer that Aiden would want to stay. He had the feeling that was where he needed to be.

  Chapter Two

  Jonathon barely kept his smile back until after the two girls left, their heads bowed in embarrassment after a promise not to fight again. As soon as they were out of sight, though, he did a silent little dance in his chair. While he needed to calm them down and keep them from making a ruckus or hurting one another, there was joy bursting within him that the house had settled enough the youth in his care were starting to act like normal kids. The fear was bleeding out. The fight this morning between Kayla and Jordan was proof of that. He found them caterwauling at one another over nothing more important than the way Jordan left her bedsheets. They sounded like siblings.

  He wanted to celebrate. Every day someone smiled more. Every week it felt like the wonderful young people in his care relaxed. Every night and at least ten times a day, Jonathon sent up prayers of gratitude for the changes in their lives. It was a miracle and one he bathed in daily.

  Once he had his joy somewhat contained, he left his office and went into the kitchen. Rolf, his best friend and their cook, was whistling an unknown tune while he put lunch together. “What’s on the docket for today?” Jonathon asked as he hopped onto a piece of bare counter.

  “Pita station. They can fill them up with whatever they want,” Rolf said with pride as he reached over and poured some oil in the cast iron pan nearby.

  “Sounds good.” Jonathon glanced at the large bowls to see what kind of ingredients they could use. Rolf was great at making healthy and yet good tasting meals. There were always selections for the vegetarian as well as meat-eating among them. As a meat-eater himself, Jonathon eyed the strips of steak and grated cheese. But he also noticed the huge range of vegetables that could be eaten as well. While Rolf was faced the opposite way, he grasped a small amount of what looked like grass.

  Rolf cleared his throat before he could put it in his mouth. “If you’re thinking of eating the greenery, don’t. Not until I’ve blanched it.”

  Jonathon looked at the grass and put it back. “Why?”

  “Some of it is edible only when cooked. Or it’s edible and tastes vile until it’s cooked,” he added with a chuckle, looking over his shoulder. “Gotcha.”

  After taking a look around to make sure there were no eyes watching, Jonathon stuck his tongue out and hopped off the counter. “All right. Thomas is finishing with the few exams scheduled for this morning. So a few of our kids are going to feel gnatty just due to having had shots.”

  Rolf nodded. “Never fe
ar. I’ve got a bottle of homemade gummy candy with their names on it.” Jonathon patted his shoulder and walked out of the kitchen.

  With the weather still nice, the windows were open in the living room so he was able to hear the crunch of tires on the driveway. He wasn’t expecting any deliveries or a visit from one of their teachers. Their therapist wasn’t coming until the next day. Jonathon hoped it wasn’t another newspaper reporter wanting to interview his kids. He was getting tired of telling them that under no circumstances would he allow it. Earlier in the summer, he’d closed the gate for several days to keep them out.

  With swift strides, he walked over and opened the front door, instantly recognizing the car as the one Councilman Court Brecker had arrived in on that fateful day months ago. Surprised and pleased, he walked out and down the stairs. The driver got out and walked around to open the door. Brecker stepped out and Jonathon beamed at him. Each time Jonathon saw him, he had an appearance that could be imposing with his wide shoulders and powerful aura. And yet at the same time, those soft green eyes and salt and pepper hair told of a man who could be trusted. Something in Brecker’s eyes made him still. A few seconds later, a kid slid out of the backseat and moved behind Brecker’s back, though not before Jonathon spotted everything he needed to know. That youth was one of his kids.

  He glanced up at Brecker who shrugged. “Aiden and I thought we’d come for lunch,” he said in a mild voice. “I sang your chef’s praises, so don’t let me down.”

  Amused, Jonathon nodded. The guy was good. Aiden was scared and Brecker was doing his best to make it all look natural and normal. “You came on a perfect day. Rolf’s setting up all the ingredients for pitas. You can put in it whatever you want. I’m partial to the steak myself, but if you’re a vegetarian there are tons of things I don’t recognize.”

  A soft amused snort sounded from behind Brecker and Brecker looked relieved. “Aiden,” he said, “let me introduce you to Reverend Jonathon Neiland, the head of the shelter.” Aiden moved over maybe an inch—Jonathon could just barely see the side of his head and one very pale blue eye. “Jonathon, this is Aiden. He and I met today in town.”

  There was a lot of meaning in that word “met” and Jonathon looked forward to finding out the whole story. “Fantastic. We always have room for more. There’s probably thirty to forty minutes before lunch, though. So why don’t you come in and I’ll get us some juice.”

  He led the way back inside and into the living area. It looked lived in. While clean, someone’s text book lay on its side by the coffee table and a book from the library was buried halfway into the cushions of one of the sofas. Jonathon retrieved both and put them on a side table as he waved the other two to a sofa.

  While they got comfortable, he went into the kitchen and grabbed a platter and three glasses.

  “What’s up?” Rolf asked as he poured the strips of steak into the pan, their sizzle filling the air with sound and the aroma of cooking meat.

  “New resident. Brecker brought him.” Jonathon poured three glasses of juice, one of apple, one of orange, and one of cranberry juice.

  As he walked back into the room, Jonathon got his first full look at Aiden. His earlier suspicions combined with what he saw made him want to hug the kid. Another of the Lord’s children who had been to hell already. “Take your pick, Aiden,” he suggested as he put the platter down on the coffee table. The boy timidly picked up the cranberry juice and sipped at it. Brecker grabbed the apple juice and Jonathon took the final glass.

  “So how did you meet?” he asked politely.

  Aiden winced and inched a little closer to Brecker. Jonathon could understand the movement. Brecker had that all-around aura of being the kind of guy you could rely on. When Brecker didn’t speak, Aiden looked at him and then shyly met Jonathon’s gaze. “A couple guys were giving me trouble and Brecker saved me.”

  “He’s a good one for coming to the rescue,” Jonathon agreed with warmth. “Are you okay? Any cuts or scrapes that need attending to?” Aiden blanched a little and put a hand up to cover the right side of the T-shirt collar he wore. Ah. Most likely yes, but unwilling to be a problem yet. He could deal with that. “Did Brecker tell you what we do here?”

  “He said you run a youth shelter.” Aiden’s voice was so quiet, it was almost non-existent. “You….” He glanced at Brecker and then back at Jonathon. “You don’t fix people, do you?” The earnest gaze along with the trembling lips made Jonathon want to cry. The kid had been threatened with one of those places. He wished he could put them out of commission entirely.

  “No,” he said, keeping his voice modulated even though he wanted to vehemently deny that he would ever do anything so heinous. “My boyfriend in college was sent to one. He died there. I’ve made this house a haven for those of us who have nowhere to go. A place where we can always be who we are.”

  Aiden’s mouth dropped open. “Brecker said you were gay but I didn’t believe it. You’re really gay?”

  With a soft chuckle, Jonathon nodded. “I am. There are thirty-six teenagers who live here currently, all of them under the great LGBT rainbow.” Aiden’s eyes glistened and the hope in their depths was a look he was used to. “Thomas, our Nurse Practitioner, is queer. Rolf, our cook, is bisexual. And the counselor we have who comes in to talk with each of our residents is trans.” Before he could say anything else, tears poured out of Aiden’s eyes. Jonathon leaned in and reached across the coffee table. He’d been through this with each resident in the home and knew what it felt like to suddenly find acceptance. It was a hope that was almost impossible to believe. “And there’s a place for you if you want it.”

  Aiden grasped hold of his hands. “I-I’m a boy,” he whispered through trembling lips. “I’m a boy.” That nailed it. Jonathon knew the kind of teasing and bullying the boy would have received for most of his life because of the difference between physical and emotional gender. He wondered how often Aiden had been able to admit that out loud. Probably not much and when he did, the reaction was most likely negative.

  Jonathon squeezed his hands. “Of course you are. I’m assuming someone told you that you weren’t?” Aiden nodded frantically. “Sorry, Aiden. There are a lot of people out there who don’t understand. But we do. Would you like to see the place before you make a decision?”

  He took the tour slow, letting Aiden get a feel for the house and just be with him. Jonathon exuded all the calm and love he could while they walked along. Brecker stayed in the living room, which he appreciated. By the time they headed upstairs, Aiden stood taller and glanced around with interest. “There are four bedrooms,” he explained as they reached the top of the stairs. “This is the one you’ll be in. All the residents in here are male or trans male so some of them understand what you’re going through.”

  Relief crossed Aiden’s face and he leaned in even as he crossed his arms over his chest. Jonathon patted his arm. “There are several options to help. Since Thomas is here, I’ll have him give you an intake exam today so that we can take care of any scratches or possible illnesses. I want you to be healthy and happy,” he explained when a brief look of panic crossed Aiden’s face. “If you aren’t healthy, it will be hard to be as happy as you can be.” While he didn’t look appeased, Aiden nodded.

  Jonathon led him into the trans boys’ bedroom. Five bunk beds were set up and four of the bottom and three of the top bunks were already taken. On one of the walls were a few nature posters and a set of shelves, one for each boy. “We’ll put one up for you,” he explained. “That’s where you’ll put anything from homework to a book you’re reading. The rule is if it’s on one of these shelves, it belongs to someone and you don’t touch it. The only stuff you can touch are those items on your shelf.”

  “I don’t have anything,” Aiden said, his cheeks turning a dusky pink.

  “Neither did anyone else when they came here. Don’t worry, Aiden. You’ve showed up. That’s all we ask for.”

  Aiden squished his chest a little. “
Is everyone gonna laugh at me?” he murmured. Jonathon’s heart went out to him.

  “How old are you?”

  “Fourteen.”

  Aiden was right in the middle of puberty. He had a set of breasts several of the girls would have killed for. “Once you’ve met with Thomas and Tanner, we’ll work up a plan for you. Everyone is different. Your needs won’t exactly match the needs for any other boy here, trans or not. There are several things they can do, but we’ll want to get the long-term view so we can help you, whether that is to transition your body purely through hormone therapy, or to one day go through reassignment surgery, or to keep your body but make a few tweaks. There are a lot of options, Aiden. And we’ll make sure you know what they all are.”

  A small smile crossed the boy’s face. “Is this heaven?” he whispered.

  Jonathon couldn’t have stopped the smile that crossed his face if he wanted to. “I think the Lord is creating a little heaven on earth right here.”

  Once Aiden chose the bed he wanted, they went back downstairs. “I believe Thomas is still with one of our residents,” Jonathon said, “so why don’t we go pick out your bedding while we wait.” Aiden nodded and Jonathon smiled internally, knowing he didn’t understand. From that first day when they had been able to choose from the sheer amount of bedding available, his kids blossomed and he’d decided to always have more than they needed. Just the act of being able to choose their own brand new bedding was a huge self-esteem booster.

  At the base of the stairs, he led Aiden into their supply room and pointed to the full wall of shelves. “Choose which one you want.”

  For a moment, Aiden’s face went blank. His eyes widened and he looked at Jonathon. “I can choose?”

  “Yes. And the bedding you choose is yours. If you choose to leave at some point, you can take it with you.” After a moment’s pause, he added, “Take your time. No need to rush this.”

  Jonathon leaned against the doorjamb and watched as Aiden moved toward the masculine colors, pulled out each set, looked at the image on the bag and then put it back. He knew the moment Aiden found the set that was perfect for him. Aiden held it almost reverently as he looked at the image. The comforter was a combo of deep blues and bright greens and the sheet set had a blue fitted sheet and a bright green flat sheet. When Aiden turned to him, hope was written clear across his face. There was no way Jonathon was going to make him ask. “Found it?” he asked with a smile. Aiden nodded enthusiastically.